The Shrunken Shrink - Does Psychology Still Matter?
W. Ramsgate Miller, Ph.D.
Doctor Miller asks the questions that must be asked: "Is psychology still relevant? Does anyone care about psychoanalysis anymore?" As a leading clinical psychologist and author, Doctor Miller takes his readers on a manic ride through the history of the profession, both the uplifting moments and the downers, from Karen Horney’s landmark work on neurosis, to the modern problem of replication failure. Crucial to the study are the chapters comprising Doctor Miller’s own self-analysis, which he describes as “the moral equivalent of playing chess against oneself.” Be prepared for some interesting and, perhaps, discomfiting revelations.
Crap What a Hangover - A Yuppie's Diary
Pearls Before Press is proud to introduce U.K. author Roberta Younston to her new, American audience.
Nora Percival’s life is a disaster. Her Thursday night ritual pub crawls with her uni friends have taken their toll, pint by pint, shot by shot. And speaking of shot, just who was shot dead outside their pub at closing? Enter into Nora’s personal diary, her yuppie world of investigation, intrigue, skull-crushing hangovers and yes, strange men, whilst she and her mates bring a killer to justice.
Bad Breath Dragon
Pearls Before Press is pleased to report: Dan Mims is at it again. Dan’s Bad Breath series literally blew off our shelves and is now, sadly, out of print. But we tracked down the fantasy master and convinced him to let us publish a new, updated edition. For a limited time only, we are making his classic, Bad Breath Dragon, available again!
The Dragon Keepers of Gjirokastër are at war. The Vampire cult of Vlorë has sworn the death and destruction of the peaceful Dragon Keepers. Clearly overpowered and desperate, the Dragon Keepers seize upon a strategy: feeding garlic to their loveable dragons. Will the ploy work? Or will the village suffer unintended, malodorous consequences?
Jim Hollands, Editor
The Sahara – 4 Seasons, 4 Photographers
Pearls Before Press is providing a new U.S.-only edition of this mighty work. Photographic Editor and British Museum Curator Jim Hollands has masterfully brought together four unique photographers: Arlin Willinsteiner, Jacintha Burberry-Stifles, Anne Barkly and Simon St. Simonson. Separately applying their perspectives to the massive Sahara, each bring their own visions, their own seasons, as it were. This book will delight nature lovers of all stripes. (It is recommended that the reader have a glass of water on hand while enjoying this remarkable work.)
Waited Long Enough
Last year, Pearls Before Press sounded the clarion call, our contest for best fiction and nonfiction in the field of public transportation. Award-winning Canadian Journalist Anish Rajmani blows the lid off of one of the most acute public transportation controversies ever to face Prince Edward Island.
Armed with a certification as registered professional planner and aided by a group of intrepid volunteer monitors, Rajmani decided to confront the rampant rumors about the alleged failings of Transit PEI. Had it deliberately chosen to underserve the communities of Montague, Souris, St. Peter's, Summerside and Tignish, solely because, as an anonymous source stated, “there just aren’t that many people out there”? Rajmani took matters into his own hands. He and his group tested each community’s bus stop posing as ordinary Transit PEI riders. And they waited long enough. Congratulations, Anish, winner of the nonfiction prize!
The Perfectionist’s Guide to Automobile Seat Harnesses
Following our merger with Brad Tulane Industrial Guides, LLC, we gained a new line in industrial arts, the Perfectionist’s Guide series. Contractually bound to publish the series, we make this tome available. For what it is worth, Motor Globe declared The Perfectionist’s Guide to Automobile Seat Harnesses, “A triumph!” And, as per the aforementioned contract and for those non-reading individuals who might enjoy such, check out the Incredible Brad podcast series.
Cricket Bats of Hell!
“Wee” Kenny Kremper
Cricket star turned Glasgow Times Sports Editor “Wee” Kenny Kremper has nurdled his way into the fiction boundary with the triumphant Cricket Bats of Hell!
Lester McKeever never liked playing nightwatchman. Lofted a pudding by a military medium, who would have expected a bodyline on the next pitch? A rock that struck McKeever dead. Sledge along with Angus Glenn, amateur sleuth and comical bampot, as he faces down his nervous nineties, slogging through his own personal corridor of uncertainty to solve the vicious crime.
The Clackamas County Industrial Arts Review calls 99 Chairs, “a superb triumph of form over substance.” We could not agree more. Pearls Before Press is happy to present the updated, Special Edition of this fine work. Buyers of this new edition will be particularly delighted by the inclusion of the long-rumored chapter on cafeteria chairs, along with biting and incisive commentary from nationally syndicated ergonomist Roberta Feliz.
Emil Krongaard, D.Sc.
Are We Sheep?
Trend setting podcaster and natural scientist, Doctor Emil Krongaard, waxes eloquently on a controversial topic: Just how similar to sheep are we? Disavowing discussions of predictable tropes, such as, “following like sheep,” “acting sheepishly” or “the lamb to the slaughter,” Doctor Krongaard focuses on humanity’s physical similarities and even resemblances to sheep. Krongaard initially notes the sheep’s comparable brain size and body weight, which makes them ideal for research and even pets. Krongaard notes, “Sheep are subject to illnesses and parasites just as we are and proper sheep husbandry requires preventive measures, including vaccinations.” Krongaard glibly adds, “and I know of no sheep ‘anti-vaxxers.’” Perhaps Krongaard’s discussion of fleece will ring most true to the reader. “Although we humans have significant facial hair and less body hair compared to sheep, we too must be shorn regularly. Hence the predictably unpleasant and overly expensive treks to the barber. And have you ever noticed the sideburns called muttonchops?”
This edition of Are We Sheep was chosen as Book Four of the prestigious Thornton Naturalist series.
Derek St. James
Them Humans Look Tasty – Hillbilly Robots on the Loose
As Quantum Professor Trevor Lightson speculates, “Will Earth become a mere outhouse for the hillbilly robots from space?” Ride along with Lightson, a born and bred Appalachian, as he and his plucky, Kentucky crew fight back against the hillbilly robots in the only way they know: fueled by collards, soup beans, pigs feet, cracklins', possum and boiled eggs.
Winner of the prestigious Cumulus Award, this outrageous space romp is guaranteed to satisfy the most discerning sci fi reader.
Rob Symington, D.O.
Up to My Neck in Feces
Liza Jane Burwich leads a difficult life. Mom, teacher, phys ed coach, numismatist. And now murderer. She found living with her husband and retired writer, Charlie, taxing and disagreeable - crap and more crap. She pulled the plug and the trigger and now finds herself up to her neck and on the run with four kids, an aging minivan and two rescue dogs.
This first-person narrative of "life on the run" earned Rob Symington the Thriller Writers of Northern Oregon’s prestigious Noreo Award. Sit back and enjoy this spine-tingling tale of cat and mouse.
The Moon Walkers – Seven Feet on the Surface
The year is 2028 and astronaut and astrophysicist Laurie Greimer leads her two-person Artemis 6 team from the Lunar Gateway station down to the Moon’s surface by the Blue Moon lander. But something seems amiss when the crew discovers an extra set of footprints comprised of a single boot. What single-footed creature could have stowed away inside the Blue Moon lander?
This sci fi thriller by fledgling writer Simone Guarnier is a sure pleaser. Winner of the 2022 Tuscarora Chapbook Award, we look forward to more great reading from Simone!
M. Liam Noah
Alpine Yodeler – A Love Story
Noted Swiss novelist M. Liam Noah steps away from his literary fiction roots to dabble in romance literature and we at Pearls Before Press could not be more pleased!
To Anna Maria Rüttimann-Schauensee von Meyer, it was love at first sight. Jouannet Oliver Tobias was seemingly the ideal mate. His baritone was a perfect fit for her soprano in the Grossmünster church choir. But the town’s annual yodeling contest presented conflicts. Would Tobias’ irrational jealousies upset the horse-drawn cart of their budding romance?
The Spy Who Ignored Me
As writer Elie Wiesel profoundly stated, “the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.” Zbigniew Jerzy Literary Award-winning author, Natasha Poleniechka, has gifted the world with her latest thriller, The Spy Who Ignored Me.
Protagonist Olga Jasnorzewska-Pawlikowska is on the hunt for a downed drone, a vessel holding secret communications between as yet unidentified foreign powers. Chasing alongside is suave British diplomat and master of disguises, Sir Reginald Pennyfarthing. Pennyfarthing is single, but has no interest in the homely, frighteningly plain, Jasnorzewska-Pawlikowska, particularly due to her facial moles and skin tags. But when Pennyfarthing realizes that Jasnorzewska-Pawlikowska plans to defect to the West, are all bets off?
How’s My Hair?
Pearls Before Press is pleased to reprint this number one, international best seller!
Victorian ingenue, Lady Clementine Brittlewhite, faces a difficult challenge: Can she continue her comic charade as inept and socially awkward village commoner Mary Pratt, or will her suitor, the handsome Lord Arnold Valencourt, finally see her for her true self? Her quick costume changes and hair restyles have been a grind, but will an unexpected visitor pull away the curtain of Lady Clementine’s clever ruse? Is love in the hair? Laugh along with this delightful comedy.
Rocky and Suzie Blagio
No More Howard Johnsons
“No one writes romance literature like the Blagios,” says bestselling romance author Cyndi Leif Lamarche. Pearls Before Press is delighted to publish the Blagios’ latest, the heartrending No More Howard Johnsons.
Doug and Marva have driven the endless gray ribbon of U.S. Route 66, seeking out the elusive Holy Grail, the last, surviving Howard Johnson's Restaurant. The trip was not what they expected. Camping out in the frozen desert, they encounter a violent motorcycle gang who capture Marva and take her within their tattooed and drug-fueled cult. But Doug never gives up on the search for his lady. At the end of a dusty side road, he finds her: the last Howard Johnson's. Or perhaps a mirage? Will a sip of the golden nectar, Hojo Cola, be enough to justify the inconsequential loss of Marva?
Made it to the Bus Stop – A Senior Citizen’s Triumph
Last year, Pearls Before Press sounded the clarion call, our contest for best fiction and nonfiction in the field of public transportation. OdimTimmons answered that call with a stunner, his winning fiction entry Made it to the Bus Stop - A Senior Citizen’s Triumph.
Barry Dorman was desperate. Relegated to a “fifty-five and over” community, he knew that regulations prevented his teenaged grandchildren from taking up residency in his lonely home. His efforts to game the system by having the teens dress in formal business attire at all times had initially worked, owing to the high incidence of presbyopia and cataracts in the community. But the scam fell flat when a beloved neighbor betrayed Dorman before the community board. Could Barry reach inside himself for a solution, a way to see his grandchildren? Would reliable public transportation save the day?
The Screen Doors – A Rock ‘N Roll Odyssey
Readers looking for a gripping Rock biography, look no further. Daisy Jones & The Six? Josie and the Pussycats? Hardly. Beloved U.K. Rock and Culture writer Mort Driscoll loads up his lorry with never before revealed stories of the vicious infighting and drug use that sunk German pop band The Screen Doors.
Driscoll takes the reader back to the group’s early days as a struggling, German language Doors tribute band. Success soon followed once singer and lyricist Arthur Schnitzler joined up, bringing along his bleakly unique world view. Says Driscoll, “The sense of profound weltschmerz imported by Schnitzler became the band’s zeitgeist. Resisting the unavoidable slide to depravity, hostility and addiction became untenable. The band reached its nadir when Schnitzler and lead guitarist Klaus Oberfelterhausen came to blows at an amusement park – specifically during a particularly tense session of bumper cars. The band was never the same.”
Boring People Marry Too
Popular wedding and event planner Gloria Truax brings home the wedding gifts in her eye-opening account of the wedding industry and the seemingly endless procession of lifeless characters she’s processed up and down its aisles. In Gloria’s own words, “I just have to level with some of the couples. I mean, I tell them things like, ‘You’re quite dull, you know. Really boring. Could you maybe try to liven things up a little? Guests attending your wedding have expectations. You know, they want some fun. Maybe some line dancing at the reception?’ I do this for their own good. A lifetime tied to a bore is really no life at all. But, let’s face it, by wedding day, they’ve made their bed. They’re toast, but not the champagne kind.” Cheers, Gloria.
Cocktails – The Ultimate Guide
Globe-trotting mixologist Roy Elkins serves up a delightful blend of well-aged, cocktail wisdom in this informative recipe book. Sit back, relax and let Roy work his magic! (Not recommended while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment, nor while engaging in a professional occupation.)
Annette & Jacky Watts
You're Not A Horder - Organizing Your Home in 10 Easy Steps
Pearls Before Press has worked yet another fantastic deal. We've joined forces with self-help publisher, Norman’s Books, to cooperatively publish the second edition of Annette and Jacky Watts’ bestseller, You Are Not A Hoarder - Organizing Your Home in 10 Easy Steps.
Who could forget Jacky Watts, the winner of Season Four of the Humanities Channel’s hit series, Hellacious, Hellish Horder Houses. And recall how we related to Annette’s plight - having to literally “light a fire” under Jacky’s feet to get him to clear out the seemingly endless piles of detritus from their marital abode. Yes, insurance covered the damage and arson charges were not pressed against Annette, but what a season-ender!
Their bestseller followed, with Annette and Jacky providing a measured and practical approach: 10 simple organizational steps, none of which require explosives or accelerants. Our personal favorite is Step 6, “Go Green and Turn Green: Organizing, Cataloging and Recycling All Fast Food Remnants, Wrappers, Cups and Straws in Accordance With Apparent Rate of Decomposition and Identity of Fast Food Vendor.” Remarkable!
We're looking forward to publishing even more practical home efficiency tips and hacks from Annette and Jacky in the future. And don’t forget to check out their new Humanities Channel series, Texas Tough Luck Tear-Downs.
Pierre Marchant, NCC
The Ineffable Flight of Beingness
National Certified Counselor Pierre Marchant wants us to live in the moment, at least momentarily. Marchant takes the reader through a series of remarkable exercises designed to increase awareness of the reader’s own sentience. Marchant demonstrates how, as sentient beings, we cannot always gain contact with the elusive inner core of our own selves. Marchant suggests, “this is because we are busy with work or perhaps family responsibilities. Sometimes even car trouble.” Marchant posits that, rather, we should take delight in those rare moments when we feel our own beingness, “such as when encountering a beautiful flower or a duck at a park.” Counselor’s Journal U.S. declares Marchant’s work, “Breathtaking in scope and beauty and shocking in its utter simplicity.” We could not agree more.
Longtime Barbary Fig Literary Magazine contributor Brianna Barrows graces us with Colloquial, one of the finest works of literary fiction we’ve come across in years.
Adjunct Professor Drucilla Davenport is having trouble adjusting to her new position at Barnstable College. Her American Lit students see her as an uptight, rigid New Englander, hellbent to force the most difficult and dreary literary treasures down their throats. They don’t understand that the Professor's curriculum has been lovingly curated to provide the greatest learning experience for the students. They don’t sense her fervid passion for literature.
Professor Davenport has tried to meet the unruly class half way. She’s done everything imaginable to, in her words, “dumb-down” the course material. But she now finds herself in hot water with the Administration. Providing a graphic novel version of Moby Dick in lieu of Melville’s actual work may have pushed her attempt at systemic colloquialization just a bit too far. Will she take the suggested leave of absence, or push forward and "double down on dumb?"
The Big Comb Over
J.P. Rieger presents us with The Big Comb Over, a work that’s hard to categorize. Rieger calls it “a slipstream comedy of manners about three nephews and their three eccentric uncles.”
The tale takes place in Baltimore, Maryland and in London, England where a Royal Wedding is held. One of the nephews, Robbie, enjoys hanging out with his comic book-loving uncle, tim tim. However, Robbie’s parents are atheists and tim tim is a Christian of some unknown stripe, possibly ersatz Gnosticism. Conflict and strangeness follow. In the meantime, off to London go Uncle Roy, a weathered waterman with a severe Baltimore accent, his pranking son, Desales, and Uncle Roland, an actor with a hair problem. Presumably, they will keep the reading audience, whoever they may be, amused.
Pearls Before Press felt that this story was potentially important and needed to be told even though we don't fully understand why. We are looking forward to more from Rieger, perhaps at some point.